1. Don’t have sex before marriage because of all the reasons everybody tells you. They’re all true, and the ones that are lies are good lies, so believe them anyway.
Don’t have sex after marriage because that creates babies and babies:
A. Contribute to explosive population growth
B. Cause global warming – all that warm milk makes the world a warmer place
C. Cause global cooling – all that warm milk causes babies to burp which creates toxins in the atmosphere that will kill us all someday
D. Are the root of all evil – wars were fought over babies before money existed
E. Are a form of mind control – it is well known that babies and dogs dominate any and all media
F. Are sinful – Original Sin. ‘Nuf said.
G. Are redundant. Just because your neighbor has one doesn’t mean you need one.
H. Come from the inherently corrupt act of sexual intercourse and so everyone that has one is a corrupt, evil and heinous person
I. Are inherently unbelievers and all the unbelievers should be destroyed
And lastly:
Because babies create more babies!! Where does it end?!?!!?
This message is brought to you by Babies, Inc.
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